Wednesday, 25 February 2015

nothing else matters

Of all the feelings I've had since becoming a mother, one stands out. It is the feeling that nothing else really seems to matter anymore. It's not to say that I don't actually care about things like world affairs; of course I do. These things are still important and even crucial. But something has happened to me that only another mother would understand. My world has grown bigger and smaller at the same time. My focus is very firmly on my son. I don't know how this will change as he gets older but I suspect the feeling will always be there... the feeling that as long as he is alright I can rest easy. He is by far the most important thing in my life. My love for him goes beyond love. There are not words for what I feel when I think about him. Every stage he goes through seems like the most spectacular, time seems to stand still. I feel like now he is here I am frozen in time: whatever time he is in. It is no longer about me, it is about him.

I used to care so much about trivial things: hair, clothes, what I should do with my life (ha). I had so much time, I had too much. Now I never have enough. And it's the best feeling I have ever known. There is such chaos and yet for the first time everything is in its right place. He is here and that is everything.

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